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Five Things About Oktoberfest Beer

August 27, 2016 Travel Deals No Comments Print Print Email Email

unnamedThis list was initially “it’s beer” five times, but a little digging gave us five real things about Oktoberfest beer that’ll put saliva on your tongue and a sway in your gait. If you can possibly, conceivably, make it to Oktoberfest, make sure you join us this year. Only the big weirdos miss out on this beer-soaked fun-fest.

Thing one:

German Purity Laws. In 1487 Munich lawmakers decreed that the only ingredients that can be used in the production of beer are water, barley and hops. Nothing else, no preservatives, no additives, no hipster craftbrew infusions. The result? A purer beer, a lighter hangover, and an untainted taste, making for an honest beer for the connoisseur. The kind of beer that’ll tempt teetotallers and turn them tipsy. Bratwurst!

Thing two:

The lightest beer on offer at Oktoberfest comes in at an inhibition-decaying 5.8%, the strongest a memory-erasing 6.3. What does this mean for you? That means that you are faced with a delicious, light-on-the-pallet beer, that happens to also comes with quite the content kick. Compared to that watered-down swill you’re used to scoffing at home, it would appear that you don’t need that much Oktoberfest beer… Bier!

Thing three:

Tough shit, because Oktoberfest beer comes by the litre. There are half litre options for children below six, we think, but the reality is that you’ll be taking on these delicious, potent treats by the thousand mil. The result? Well, after one litre your hangover will have evaporated, after two you’ll be dancing on the tables, three will see you snogging any willing recipient within tongue’s length and from four onwards you’ll go on magical, hedonistic adventures of which you’ll remember very little. One year a Stokie woke up on a train chugging through Italy. Oktoberfest is FUN! Prost!

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Thing four:

The beer perfectly compliments the food, which soaks up some of the beer, so you need more, and so on – it’s the circle of life. This is one party where eating certainly isn’t cheating. The beer halls are as much grub tents as they are party structures. While you’re there make sure you try pairing your beer with a pretzel, they’re huge and salty and are the ultimate beer snack; or some roast chicken, because we don’t know what they’re doing with it, but the seasoning is superb; definitely try a pork knuckle at least once, it’s the finest part of the most magical eating animal, tender and tasty, with the skin crackled to perfection… we even had a fish sandwich once and it turned our tastebuds on, heck, they even have a pure rhubarb option for the grass feeders, and lathered in salt that’s not half bad either. Güt!

Thing five:

You’ll be imbibing on this godly nectar and partaking of these heavenly treats with like-minded party people from all over the world. The beer halls are huge parties, with bands and dancing and people to make out with. It’s like being a barbarian again, swigging from an oversized goblet of the finest amber liquid, ripping apart a perfectly charred and seasoned animal carcass, dancing with men and maidens. It’s a savage’s paradise, and for those hallowed few weeks of Oktoberfest we all become savages. Wilkommen!

Final thing:

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